is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize