Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
