Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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