you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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