and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
