i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize