So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We left the knife in your bed.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
