four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize