thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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