And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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