omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We left the knife in your bed.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
