I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
bring money and cleavage
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
