1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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