i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
