he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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