I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do vagina's smell?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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