I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize