U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
