Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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