I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
