she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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