dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
