they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
