You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I don't think brook has ever known best
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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