Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
