some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
