Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have fence marks all over my body
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
