her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
