Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
