normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
