Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
