Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
