If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
