He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
