i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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