This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize