i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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