i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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