I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
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