everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize