I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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