Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
