Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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