Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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