He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
