i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
