She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My feet surprised me
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