walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i've created a new STD.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
