He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Drake has all the answers
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
