It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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