My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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