I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She's not a foreskin expert like you
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
