i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
