Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
