i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
