His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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