i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
