He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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