So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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