highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
