Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
