Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
