You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
