I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
