bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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