paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
