he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
