I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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